Friday, September 25, 2015

I didn't give you the gift of life, Life gave me the gift of you

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Dear Son,

Wow, today you are six. Your excitement is contagious as you count down the days to the birthday cake picture on the calendar. Knowing each day was a day closer. Three days mommy, two days mommy is all I kept hearing. But I'm not ready for it. I thought it would be easier but knowing that you are getting a day older everyday is hard to accept.

Sometimes when I look at you I don't see a big six year old, I see my belly growing and feeling you kick. Counting down the days till I got to meet you and kiss your little hands, whispering in your little ears how much I loved you already and promising for the rest of my life I would do anything and everything I could to help you and love you and always be there for you. Promises of undying love.

I see a sweet baby with velcro sunglasses on under a blue light.

I see a little boy army crawling around the house trying to get the dog so you can pull his ears and try to eat him. ( he secretly loved it don't worry )

I see you learning to walk and taking your first steps. Walking a few steps and falling into my arms like a safety net, with the biggest smile on your face from the accomplishment. 

 I see a toddler making such extraordinary messes and studying all that you do. Always mommy play with me, mommy look, mommy whats that. 

I see my preschooler walking into a class and not even blinking an eye at the fact that mommy was going to leave you because you are such a social little butterfly that it was heaven for you and hell for mommy. I remember sitting in the car watching you smile and laugh, crying because you were growing so much faster than I thought you would, and counting down the minutes till I could pick you up and hear all about your day. 

I'm not ready for you to be six yet, I still haven't bottled up your quirks and mannerisms to remember forever. How do I pause time so I can fill my well with memories. I love watching you grow every milestone but, I long for the days of naked butt tag because you don't want a diaper on. And in six years I will long for this now, the days of mommy one more book, the days of mommy play legos with me, the days of learning site words and snuggling on the couch just because. One day you won't choose me over everyone else to be your playdate. One day you won't need help reading and we won't snuggle as much.

You have taught me so much baby boy you have taught me courage. You aren’t afraid to throw yourself out there. You take risks and you don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do something. Except when it comes to trying new foods. I wish you would trust me when I say you’ll like it. But that’s okay. I’ll get over it. You have taught me to enjoy life and all its beauty. That a giving heart is the best there is to have, you are always willing to give your toys to the less fortunate. You have taught me love, and how to do so deeply and unconditionally.

As you're last day as a five year old comes to an end, my advice for you on your sixth birthday is this.. If you make your decisions wisely, you’ll be able to live without regret and with happiness. it's not about possessions or materials but more about the results of living your values – even though they may be difficult. This moment, today, and tomorrow, will never be given back so live it to the fullest. Keep that thirst for life, and share it with the world. Don't forget to be silly, don't take life to seriously. And smile, Its good for the soul.

So my big six year old, Happy Birthday to you. Mommy and Daddy love you to the moon and back a thousand times. Always have and always will. Just remember, no matter how old you get. You will always be my baby.

Your Likes
Anything with wheels and an engine
Working with Daddy
Cooking with Mommy
Video Games
Long Walks
Super Heros
Star Wars
Sour Patch Kids
Miniture Golf
Staying the night at Grandmas
Helping Grandpa Mike
Dance Parties
Chinese food
Apricot Jelly

Your Dislikes
Having to sit still to eat
Playing Alone
Being Dirty
When someones hurt
Brussel Sprouts